Although the bar has been set remarkably low during some epochs (“Dearest, you’ve survived to produce seven more viable male heirs than my second wife”), society has always expected couples to use terms of endearment to grease the wheels of their relationships.

I have it on good authority that the custom goes all the way back to Adam and Eve (or as he affectionately referred to her, “McRib”). Of course, the sweet nothings were probably muttered through gritted teeth when Adam asked questions such as “So, McRib, got any MORE reptile fruit peddlers you’d like to introduce me to?...