Tyrades! Planning a romantic getaway for Valentine's Day?

I dare you to google news about Valentine’s Day.

Faster than you can say “Romeo and Juliet,” you’ll be inundated with results for “romantic getaways.”

Whether the story is touting a single night on the town or an extended trip, you’ll find an abundance of adjectives such as “adventurous,” “quaint,” “unconventional,” “sun-soaked” and “luxurious.”

With such verbiage, you don’t know whether to expect a king-size bed or a “bed of locally sourced Romaine lettuce cradling a generous serving of succulent, pre-chewed-by-ferrets turnip hearts.”

The headlines presuppose that the entire world has a year’...